MS Office updated just now. And Word’s grammar checker got even stupider. Now the subject-verb agreement is all jacked up: if you insert a negative adverb, it modifies the verb to correlate with a third-person subject pronoun.

This means that auto-correct turns everything into Gollum’s inner monologue.

If you feed it “I don’t know. I didn’t ask,” it insists that you write — I shit you, not, here —

“I don’t knows. I didn’t asks.”

Thanks, Microsoft. Now all my characters are Smeagol.

Thanks, Microsoft. Now all my characters are Smeagol.


Squiggly blue lines everywhere through the manuscript I just finished editing.

Head. Desk.

And God, I hope they fix this shit before NaNoWriMo, for the sake of humanity.

“wdu mean rong lol i use grmmr chk”

Kill me now.

Dependency relation pro tip: If you’re still dealing with sentiment in negations by extracting candidate verb expressions and then searching for modifiers, your head is up your ass.